JOKES!!!

Teacher: "Chong, u missed school last Friday."
Chong : "You're wrong, Sir."
Teacher: "Wrong, how is that?"
Chong : "I was absent, yes but I certainly didn't miss it!"
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A teacher was asking her class: "What is the difference between
'unlawful' and 'illegal'?" Only one hand shot up.
"Ok, answer, Joan," said the teacher.
"'unlawful' is when u do something the law doesn't allow and 'illegal is a sick eagle."
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Doctor : I have some bad news and some very bad news.
Patient : Well, might as well give me the bad news first.
Doctor : The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24
hours to live.
Patient : 24 hours! That's terrible!! What could be
worse? What's the very bad news?
Doctor : I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.
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Patient : I'm in a hospital! Why am I in here?
Doctor : You've had an accident involving a train.
Patient : What happened?
Doctor : Well, I've got some good news and some bad news. Which would
you like to hear first?
Patient : Well... The bad news first ...
Doctor : Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate both
of them.
Patient : That's terrible! What's the good news?
Doctor: There's a guy in the next ward who made a
very good offer on your slippers.
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Patient : How much to have this tooth pulled?
Dentist : $90.00.
Patient : $90.00 for just a few minutes work???
Dentist : I can extract it very slowly if you like.
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Teacher : "How come you do not comb your hair?"
Ah Kow : "No comb, Sir."
Teacher : "Use your dad's then."
Ah Kow : "No hair, Sir."
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A boy came home from school with his exam results.
"What did u get?" asked his father.
"My marks are under water," said the boy.
"What do u mean 'under water'?"
"They are all below 'C' level"